Health Diaries > Hypochondria > The Hypochondria Blog

Tuesday, Aug 17, 2010

I’m writing this for maybe no other reason than to get out all my neuroses onto paper (so to speak) and maybe that will allow me to relieve some of the insanity I’ve been torturing myself with.

I lost my father at the end of 2008 after a 3-year long battle with lymphoma. My sister and mother told me that his cancer was hereditary (his sister passed away from breast cancer in 1989). Since then I’ve felt like some sort of time bomb.

Over the last 2 years I’ve been getting more and more paranoid about my health. I’m 33 years old, overweight, a type 2 diabetic, and have high blood pressure. It’s all due to unhealthy eating habits and lack of exercise (I don’t smoke or drink). The insane part is that I know I need to get healthier and for a while, before my Dad passed away, I was on a good track. But I didn’t manage grieving well and it threw me into a tailspin, as I was already dealing with depression at the time. I will not make the excuse that I was “too sad to take care of myself”, but unfortunately, slobbing out is my most frequent avenue of escape.

Compounding the problem is the fact that any unusual symptom throws me into utter panic. Stripe on my nail? It’s got to be melanoma. Lump on my ribs? Liposarcoma. A little wheezy during non-cold season? Lung cancer. Panic attack? Heart attack. In each of the situations described I consulted my physician and he advised me I was fine and that I needed to stop “giving myself diseases”. But I don’t know how to stop panicking

More than anything I’m terrified of cancer. Mainly because it seems there’s no way to really protect yourself against it- even getting healthy doesn’t seem to be a guarantee. You could just GET IT and most of the time if you get it, that’s it. You’ll linger for years as you slowly wither in front of the people you love and all your dreams and the plans you had for your life just became meaningless.

It’s the latter part I think scares me the most. I have so much I want to do. I love my wife and want to have kids, raise a family with her, maybe make a difference while I’m here. The thought of leaving her behind, the thought of leaving her alone and the life we’ve shared together just becoming memories fills me with this echoing sadness that sometimes paralyzes me.

It’s extended beyond me now. Anytime someone close to me tells me they’re seeing a doctor or that they’re worried about something, I start to panic. Any time I get a phone call at an unusual hour I keep freaking out. My family has made it know that they don’t tell me some things now because I keep freaking out.

I don’t know how to stop being this way. I keep thinking one day I’ll just have an epiphany and just snap out of it. But I don’t think that’s realistic. I am going to start seeing a counselor but I don’t know how that’s going to help me.

Posted by DC | Filed under: Humor | Comments (0)

I’m writing this for maybe no other reason than to get out all my neuroses onto paper (so to speak) and maybe that will allow me to relieve some of the insanity I’ve been torturing myself with.

I lost my father at the end of 2008 after a 3-year long battle with lymphoma. My sister and mother told me that his cancer was hereditary (his sister passed away from breast cancer in 1989). Since then I’ve felt like some sort of time bomb.

Over the last 2 years I’ve been getting more and more paranoid about my health. I’m 33 years old, overweight, a type 2 diabetic, and have high blood pressure. It’s all due to unhealthy eating habits and lack of exercise (I don’t smoke or drink). The insane part is that I know I need to get healthier and for a while, before my Dad passed away, I was on a good track. But I didn’t manage grieving well and it threw me into a tailspin, as I was already dealing with depression at the time. I will not make the excuse that I was “too sad to take care of myself”, but unfortunately, slobbing out is my most frequent avenue of escape.

Compounding the problem is the fact that any unusual symptom throws me into utter panic. Stripe on my nail? It’s got to be melanoma. Lump on my ribs? Liposarcoma. A little wheezy during non-cold season? Lung cancer. Panic attack? Heart attack. In each of the situations described I consulted my physician and he advised me I was fine and that I needed to stop “giving myself diseases”. But I don’t know how to stop panicking

More than anything I’m terrified of cancer. Mainly because it seems there’s no way to really protect yourself against it- even getting healthy doesn’t seem to be a guarantee. You could just GET IT and most of the time if you get it, that’s it. You’ll linger for years as you slowly wither in front of the people you love and all your dreams and the plans you had for your life just became meaningless.

It’s the latter part I think scares me the most. I have so much I want to do. I love my wife and want to have kids, raise a family with her, maybe make a difference while I’m here. The thought of leaving her behind, the thought of leaving her alone and the life we’ve shared together just becoming memories fills me with this echoing sadness that sometimes paralyzes me.

It’s extended beyond me now. Anytime someone close to me tells me they’re seeing a doctor or that they’re worried about something, I start to panic. Any time I get a phone call at an unusual hour I keep freaking out. My family has made it know that they don’t tell me some things now because I keep freaking out.

I don’t know how to stop being this way. I keep thinking one day I’ll just have an epiphany and just snap out of it. But I don’t think that’s realistic. I am going to start seeing a counselor but I don’t know how that’s going to help me.

Posted by DC | Filed under: Hypochondria Blogs | Comments (0)

Tuesday, Jul 27, 2010

After more than 20 years of living with a hypochondriac, I am at the end of my rope. Just weeks after burying my father who had died from an excruciating battle with stomach cancer, my husband began believing that he had cancer, and no amount of medical testing can convince him that his acid reflux will not eventually kill him. This has been going on for over six months, and I really don't know what to do. While he recognizes that he has an anxiety disorder, he refuses to go to treatment saying that his type of anxiety is "the worst" and therapy can't help him. I love my husband dearly, but after seeing my father die of real cancer, my husband's imaginary cancer is just too hard for me to handle. He has imagined he had cancer many times over the years (skin, testicular, prostate...), but each time he gets over his cancer scare just seems to lead him to some other issue. Advice?

Posted by thewife | Filed under: Hypochondria Blogs | Comments (0)

Friday, Jul 2, 2010

I am worried always, right now I am worried about cancer. Though i am 26, from pretty stellar genetic stock, and I know it isn't a very likely scenario, i still worry. (Funny, our family doesn't have a lot of illness, but it DOES come jam-packed with anxiety problems.)

I make up scenarios in my head, and connect small symptoms that are probably nothing, and I make myself believe it IS something. I obsess, I turn my life inside out and upside down and ruin everything. I jsut want it to stop.

Sometimes, I like to say this to myself, it offers some comfort:

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

Posted by Jams | Filed under: Hypochondria Blogs | Comments (0)

A few months ago I had post nasal drip and it was hard to talk. I go to the doc and meds are prescribed but they don't help. I feel like at times something is in my throat. Eventually, I tried to put another symptom in the mix muscle tension in face and go on line to Symptom Check. Mistake! Of couse they have all kinds of terrfing conditions. So now I think I have cancer. So I go to my doc and she reminds that the facial senstions are from my anxiety and I don't have cancer. I trust her explicetly. But I can't stop obsessing. I had been diognosed with OCD and GAD several years ago and they proscribe Celexa and it helped. But several monts ago I did not like the side effects and slowly stopped it and it has been about 5 days. What is so wierd is othr then my throat I feel great. Can anyone offer any advice or encouragment? I am so glad I have a place to vent. As may of you may know, most people don't understand and think your exagerating. Thanks for reading. Paul

Posted by paul | Filed under: Hypochondria Blogs | Comments (0)