The Hypochondria Blog » November 2010

November 29, 2010

I Am a Hypochondriac!

I am a 44 year-old woman with hypochondria. I have a history of good health, save for hypothyroidism (underactive thyroid) and allergies, which are controlled with medications.

I have the classic symptoms of hypochondria:

I imagine serious illness. If it's a cold, I think "cancer" and come up with reasons as to why cancer should manifest itself as a cold.

I am obsessive about my body. I check my skin for bumps and spots and think, "I have melanoma," when I've never had it (and don't fall into the risk category for it) and have even been to a dermatologist for a full body check to stave my anxieties.

I research "symptoms" online. My doctor warned me against this and said, "You're not a doctor, are you?" When I replied I wasn't, she said, "You pay me to do my job so that you don't have to do it, right? Stop looking up symptoms."

Once I have my annual check-up, which includes a mammogram, EKG, bloodwork and a pap smear, I am okay for a period of time (It can be a month or more, perhaps), but then I start thinking either they missed something or I got sick AFTER my check-up and now I'll have to go an entire year and perhaps there's a disease that is eating me up alive in the interim.

I note strange sensations that I can't even describe. I just don't feel right. It's nothing but my mind fixating on an itch or maybe my arm having fallen asleep because I've been sleeping on it for the past eight hours. I immediately think, "MS" or something equally devasting.

Even the ads to the left here give me anxiety: "Minimally invasive surgery...." "The strength to fight," etc. What kind of ads are those for a blog about hypochondria! Kind of amusing.

Anyway, something that's really, really helped me, that's been groundbreaking in a way, has been 1) My ability to find something amusing about my hypochondria (See my name- Hypo Marx.) AND 2) The realization that nothing is wrong with me except for hypochondria! I say to myself that I do have something really wrong with me, that's causing me undue stress and anxiety and that is hypochondria. This takes the pressure off of that other sector of my brain that is saying, "There's something wrong with you. What is it?" I can now say it out loud and say it to myself: I have hypochondria.

I hope this helps.

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November 11, 2010

Brain Tumor...or Hypochondria?

The title alone makes me laugh a bit...these words seem like they should never be put together, but is all I have been able to think about for a month now.

For two years I have suffered from serious headaches, but nothing that a migraine tablet won't sort out. Now, in the past month I have somehow managed to convince myself that I have got a Brain Tumor. Ever since I had the first thought my 'symptoms' have been worsening. I keep googling things that I am feeling and finding out that everything links to a Brain Tumor (although most of the symptoms could be linked to other things too). I haven't even had a headache now in a week (which is unusual for me), but I am still sure that I have strange feelings in my head. You could be something serious. I am going to the doctors to get it checked out tomorrow. Going to demand a CT scan. I know that I might be totally wrong, but I need to be sure.

If I read about tumors I get all hot and sweaty....Start feeling sick and generally feel like I need to lie down. I have been living my life from my it is the only place that I feel safe.

Anyway...I thought I would post this because I believe there is something wrong with mum believes I am a hypochondriac. I will update you all as soon as I have had a scan (if I can convince the doctor I am ill enough to give me one!!!)

(This blog has really helped me look at things from a different perspective. thanks x)

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