Health Diaries > Hypochondria > The Hypochondria Blog

April 2, 2008

How do you know?

How do you know if you are a hypochondriac? On some level I know that this fits me of all the internet searches I have done on health issues. What's worse is, I am a nurse. Sick, Huh? Not only do I have the internet for ideas, I actually have seen the worst of the worse in my 10 years of nursing. Before being an RN, I was a CNA. I have had a health related career pretty much my whole life. I can take care of other people's health problems, but not my own.......Again, Sick. I never had issues with anxiety gripping my life until about 2 years ago when my long curly red hair started falling out. No, really, it was falling out. It was a particularly stressful time in my life. So I became fixated on my hair falling out, which lead to dizziness, and heart palpitations and numbness and tingling in my arms and legs. Then after my PCP dismissed my symptoms and gave me an antidepressant "because your husband travels, you have 2 kids, and you need it." WoW! I felt I was cracking up. I really though he might be right and tried the antidepressant only to have a HORRIBLE reaction from it. I thought I was surely dying and no one would figure it out until I was dead. But I set up a counseling appointment. Six months into it, they found out I do have a reason for all those symptoms. I was diagnosed with Hashi's Thyroiditis. Great. So they DID find something. Me finding something ended up having my 35 year old sister find out she had Stage 3 Thyroid Cancer. Ok, now I really started freaking out. Now I must have thyroid cancer too. All the testing ensued. I don't have it, although I MAY get it. That came from a Doctor, by the way. So, ever since then, the anxiety issues have stayed with me. I too, as many of you have experienced globus, and choking feelings, and sore throats, and reflux. What the heck? I thought this was a thyroid problem. Now EVERY symptom I have is "a thyroid problem." I don't know what to do with myself. Palpitations near my period, long periods. Again, I am told thyroid related. I AM on thyroid replacement. I AM in the optimal range for thyroid function....So why can't my fat butt lose weight. Oh, yeah, cause everytime I exercise I get heart palpitations. Did I mention that I am 32 years old? I worry all the time, maybe that's my problem. I managed to marry someone who doesn't EVER worry. He left that marital responsibility to me. Remind me to thank him for that before I die. Yeah, I guess I am a hypochondriac. So what, that just means I am smart. I have figured out how to worry about the very thing that I have the most limited control over... MY HEALTH! Oh, yeah, I am obessed about natural remedies. I feel like the pharmaceutical companies are trying to kill us by giving us meds that give us diseases. You all know I just might be right.....So, instead of taking the meds that may help me, I will just continue to experience the VERY REAL and incapacitating symptoms that plague me on a semi regular basis. I did break down the other day and took 1/2 an Ativan for the heart palpitations I was having. Guess what? Either they went away or it tricked my brain into not caring anymore. AMAZING. So now what? Do I start popping Ativan so I can't feel anything anymore. Nah, not my style. Really I think all this manifested because if I died I don't believe that anyone would raise my 2 beautiful boys the way that I would. That is because I really think that my Hypochondria is my OCD manifestation. My psych asked me if I perform any checking habit? WHO ME? No, better yet, WHO doesn't. If they don't they are the ones with the problem. Don't they know that something COULD be wrong with them, and they just don't know it? AHHH, man, ignorance MUST be bliss.........

Thanks for letting me vent..

Angela

Posted by Staff on April 2, 2008 3:08 PM | DIGG | del.icio.us | furl