Health Diaries > Hypochondria > The Hypochondria Blog

May 6, 2009

My story

Author: Staff

I haven't always been like this. When I was 17 I had unprotected sex one time and got an STD. Suddenly I realized I was not invincible. I became obsessed with my sexual health, constantly making up symptoms in my head that didn't exist. It would consume me for hours at a time.
This went on for a few years, then I seemed to get better for a few. I would occassionally have my obsessive moments, but they were few and far between. It seems like the last couple of years it has come back and gotten worst. Now it isn't just sexual health, it is everything. I've had a small, odd-shaped freckle on my chest for years. I found myself spending hours looking at skin cancer pictures on the internet the other day. This morning I woke up with a sore throat and I read about swine flu for a few hours.
We got a dog a few months ago, and everytime she makes an odd noise or does something I am not familiar with, I am googling it and convincing myself she has all sorts of things.
The thing is... I know it's crazy and I know that odds are I don't have any of this stuff. I get lost on webmd, but when I stop and think about it, I realize how ridiculous and sick it is, but I cannot stop. And my feelings about illnesses have changed. When I first started being like this, I was more intrigued. Now I am really frightened of becoming seriously ill. I think I always thought that people with hypochondria weren't aware of their illness, but I am completely aware of how irrational I get. Is that possible?
I don't have health insurance, and I am probably the only person in the world that thinks that might just be a blessing. Otherwise I would probably be at the doctor once a week.
The worst is that I hide it from everyone. When the urge does overtake me and I go to the doctor anyway, I don't tell anyone. I don't tell my boyfriend that I can get obsessed and spend hours researching symptoms and convince myself I am dying. I am living with this secret paranoid obsession and I know it is crazy. I am an intelligent person. I have overcome a lot in my life. But, I think I am a hypochondriac.

Posted by Staff on May 6, 2009 5:15 PM | DIGG | | furl


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